Missing someone...

Being in a long distance relationship with a man in the military who lives across the country, three time zones away, and in California definitely is far from easy but usually is tolerable to handle.

Tonight though is one of those nights where it's hard for me. I'm so tired I just want someone to lay down next to me and hug me, I'd like my best friend here to make me laugh or say something that will at least make me smile. I want to sit here and talk to him about random things that don't matter or other things that do.

A huge thing that makes this even more difficult is that he has never been on this campus and never has any idea of the places I'm talking about, nor has he ever met any of my friends other than via Skype so he can only imagine what these people are like.  He's never stepped foot into my world, only the one I used to live in back home, which is another thing that makes this so hard. He has no presence here. Yeah there's pictures of us up around my room, and I have a couple of his sweatshirts lying around, but the pictures don't move, and the sweatshirts don't smell like him. A picture can't capture the laugh he has when I say something incredibly dorky but funny. Wearing his sweatshirt won't make up for the warmth I feel when he holds me in his arms.

I love hanging out with my roommate and all my other friends. I love my life here at UMaine, but sometimes it can be really hard. It's hard to be so far away from the one person I enjoy being with the most and it's especially hard only seeing him once or twice a year.

I'm usually a really strong independent person when it comes to this. Just once in a great while I get like this. I break down like a normal human being and have trouble handling it. I really am proud of myself for how well I cope with being in a long distance relationship. I have a good friend in one that just sits in his room doing nothing or talking to his girlfriend all day and night despite many invitations to do otherwise. I also have seen people not be able to resist temptation. I am proud of myself for putting myself out there and meeting new people and not letting my lack of a boyfriend here get me down. I allow myself to have fun all while remaining faithful.

Alright I think this episode of sorrow is over for now. Writing it down got it out of my system. Time to get some sleep and start a new day. Goodnight!